A Family Frolic at the Salomon Center

Gentle Reader Danny gives us the lowdown on "Sal's Place" - from the family point of view

By Dannie Donner

My wife Donna and I, together with our obedient children Denny, Dessa, and Deena loaded up the family minivan, together with our friends Dinty and Dottie Dingledine, and we all took a ride down to the Salomon Center this week. I thought I might relate some observations.

The parking garage looked great. The new paint really brightened the place. But then again, the Donner family has always loved parking garages. You haven’t lived until you’ve taken a rental car, locked the parking brake, and drug the back wheels screeching down three levels of a slick-floored big city parking garage.

While walking from the garage to the Salomon Center (or Sal’s Place as we called it,) we were in the company of numerous groups of excited youths – a good sign. As we peeked into Costa Vida Mexican Grill, I couldn’t help but remember that trendsetter of fresh Mexican grill restaurants: La Salsa, out in Riverdale. That restaurant presaged the coming of dozens of copycat “Fresh Mex” places, each of which lasted about two years before going belly up. Perhaps it’s harder than it looks to make a living wrapping black beans and rice in a flour tortilla, but hey, best wishes to Costa Vida.

Next, was the Flowrider. Dinty’s first comment was, “How do I get one of these in my backyard?” but the kid at the ticket booth couldn’t answer his question. There are currently only fifty of these worldwide, and I suppose, for good reason. Rather than pay $20 an hour for thirty feet of surf, why not just take a Southwest flight to So Cal for the day?

Next was the climbing wall. It costs $10 for adults for all day, or $60 a month. But do we not have the real thing around here for free? The most interesting feature was the benches made out of skis that you could sit on while watching the climbers. Outside the climbing center were those sandstone benches we’ve all heard about – basically a bunch of cubes – some with water coming out of them. I guess this is what $500,000 of illegally diverted highway money gets you, what, about twenty grand for each cube? Or maybe it was the under-market-value sale of the Wall Avenue property to the mayor’s crony that paid for the cubes, I can’t remember. But hey, if someone asks, “Got cubes?” we can say, “You betcha we got cubes, a half a million dollars worth of cubes!” There was a nice stainless steel sculpture there too – for me much more interesting than the climbing wall itself.

Next, we came to the i-fly. It costs $49 for two minutes for beginners, and $39 for two minutes after that. Dinty’s comment was the equipment looked reassembled – like it got taken apart in some other city and moved here. On the walls of the i-fly lobby were videos of a much nicer and larger wind tunnel facility. It appears here in Ogden we got the discount model – much smaller and cheaper looking. A crowd collected and sat down on the small row of bleachers near the i-fly, and the suspense was palpable as two guys suited up for a ride. As they climbed in and took off, a rush of excitement swept through the spectators. For the first 30 seconds, I determined that I HAD to try this MYSELF! In the next 30 seconds I decided I could probably live without it. And then, during the next minute or so, the crowd pretty much left while the two guys were still flying.

Gold’s Gym was the next stop. At the Ogden Athletic Club in South Ogden they’ve divided the place into sections, so you can feel a sense of privacy while exercising. At Gold’s, at the Sal Center, there were no partitions whatsoever, and it was packed with equipment. The last time I saw a field of that much twisted metal it was an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. Gold’s was an eerie, empty expanse of mechanization with a person here and there – as if silently waiting for the cyborgs to come and finish of the few remaining humans. It appears the Donner family will not be moving our exercise spa membership after all.

Next was the arcade, where the most interesting thing was the number of casino gambling devices present – one of which was a coin pusher I swear came right off the floor at Caesar’s. It appears that in Utah it’s illegal to gamble for “chips,” but it’s okay if you’re gambling for “tokens.” Send your kids to Sal’s Place, Mom and Dad, where they can gamble the carefree afternoons away. As far as the bumper cars – they moved so slowly and had so little room to maneuver they should have called the ride “Little Cindy’s Bumper Snails.” The mini golf cost $5 a person and was smaller and looked less fun than the one they have at Spare Time in Roy.

Next to the bowling alley there’s an enclosed booze bench for anybody who needs to get lit while visiting Sal’s. As far as the bowling, as I stood there watching the few lanes that were being bowled I noticed a smell. I wondered how, given it was brand new, that somebody could have already vomited in the place. I turned around, and there was a girl just passing behind me with a pizza. Hmmm, now that was some real smelly novelty cheese on that pizza. Bowling was about $4-5 bucks plus another $2-3 bucks for shoes, which seemed a little steep. You can find passes around town where six can bowl and get a pizza for $50 at Sal’s, which still seemed a little stiff to me.

The most interesting thing in the whole place was the virtual roller coaster. You sat in a flight simulator capsule while watching a computer monitor that was showing a roller coaster ride in outer space, or whatever. All the while, the thing tipped and turned you upside down and all around. One kid standing next to me commented on what the ride would probably make him do if he rode it. I had wondered myself how long it would take before this ride started smelling like the house pizza.

Last, was Big Larry’s Movie Hall across the plaza. Complete with a food court with four separate vendors, but few patrons, it appeared that the Fatmans’s Midas touch may have turned to lead here in Ogden. The only movie the Donner family wanted to see was showing just twice a day – an hour before noon, and 2 hours before midnight. Nice scheduling, Larry. But we may come back when they have something we want to watch, because we buy some of our cars from Larry (using our Costco discount) and we love Ogden. And the more we – the citizens – spend there, the longer it will take before we – the taxpayers – start having to cover the operating costs, which we will. We might as well get something for the money.

Overall, there were lots of kids everywhere and a sense of dynamism that I haven’t felt downtown since the Ogden City Mall first opened (which by the way, was another a government project that went bust before the bonds that built it were paid off.) And there has been some private development here and there, which hopefully will last longer than the Sal’s Place will before it starts losing money. So things are looking better, now that Godfrey has spent all our money, and while everything is still brand new.

On the other hand, if the Salomon Center were a public company, I’d sell the stock short tomorrow. Here’s some free advice for the mayor and his supporters. Six Flags, Inc. has been running amusement centers since 1961 and they still can’t figure out how to make them turn a profit.

Whether it’s a mall, a fun center, or some other government project: Just because somebody gets elected mayor, how does that make him a business wizard all of a sudden? We’re talking about lots of real money Godfrey has borrowed and spent – money that belonged to people who never gave their permission! You people push for deal after deal downtown and they all end up being taxpayer sink holes from one decade to the next. Please stop doing this! Have a burrito at Costa Vida while it’s still there, and think about it. Or perhaps, it would be best for Godfrey’s supporters to take a trip to the booze booth at the Sal Center bowling alley, get sauced, and try NOT to think about it.