By Monotreme
This afternoon, I went to pick up my packet of information for the Salt Lake City marathon. It's no match for our very own Ogden Marathon, but a Monotreme has to train wherever he can.
Amongst the packets of trail mix and toothpaste, a free magazine called "Sports Guide" had a blurb on the cover advertising "Resort Report: Ogden's Ice Tower". That seemed confusing, because I'm pretty sure the ice tower hasn't been constructed yet.
The article, entitled "Ice Climbing Ogden" is by Bill Novak, who is so enamored of all things Ogden that he works at Brighton. The lede is a work of art:
Modeled after Superman's Fortress of Solitude, the world's first year-round ice climbing wall is poised to spike the city of Ogden. [Emphasis mine: pun intended? -- Ed.] Developers have crafted a three-sided holographic ice tower to accommodate 12 different routes that extend 50 vertical feet. With pitches of 80 degrees to double overhanging craziness, the ice climbing park promises to cater to everyone, from school kids to totally hardcore mountain men [to self-absorbed mayors]. Oh yeah, the whole thing will be outside.There's more...
With the city of Ogden on its way to becoming the adventure capital of the world, a year-round ice climbing feature is an ideal addition to their party list. [Said party list includes: a glow-in-the-dark miniature golf paradise; a pizza parlor; a huge overpriced ventilation shaft; and a possible flatland gondola to nowhere.] Teaming up with the nonprofit corporation, Ogden Climbing Parks, the city, which owns the facility, will hand the tower over to OCP to manage.And then...
Ogden Climbing Parks plans to have the facility up and running within a year, but they still need additional funding. The total project is priced at $1.5 million, and the non-profit organization needs 60 percent of this figure.In the artist's conception accompanying the article, there are huge Ogden City, OCP, RAMP and GOAL logos on the Fortress of Solitude.
May I be the first to propose that we change the name of the ice climbing tower to the Fortress of Mayoral Ego? I think we're getting some valuable insight into deep-rooted psychological issues here.
According to Wikipedia,
The Fortress contained an alien zoo, a giant steel diary in which Superman wrote his memoirs (using either his invulnerable finger or heat vision to engrave entries into its pages), a chess-playing robot, specialized exercise equipment, a laboratory where Superman worked on various projects such as developing defenses to Kryptonite, a computer, communications equipment, and rooms dedicated to all of his friends, including one for Clark Kent to fool visitors. As the stories continued, it was revealed that the Fortress was where Superman's robot duplicates were stored. It also contained the Phantom Zone projector, various pieces of alien technology he had acquired on visits to other worlds, and, much like the Batcave, trophies of his past adventures. Indeed, the Batcave and Batman himself made an appearance in the first Fortress story. The Fortress also became the home of the bottle city of Kandor (until it was enlarged), and an apartment in the Fortress was set aside for Supergirl.No further comment is required. Click to enlarge the lower image:
