By Monotreme
This afternoon, I went to pick up my packet of information for the Salt Lake City marathon. It's no match for our very own Ogden Marathon, but a Monotreme has to train wherever he can.
Amongst the packets of trail mix and toothpaste, a free magazine called "Sports Guide" had a blurb on the cover advertising "Resort Report: Ogden's Ice Tower". That seemed confusing, because I'm pretty sure the ice tower hasn't been constructed yet.
The article, entitled "Ice Climbing Ogden" is by Bill Novak, who is so enamored of all things Ogden that he works at Brighton. The lede is a work of art:
Modeled after Superman's Fortress of Solitude, the world's first year-round ice climbing wall is poised to spike the city of Ogden. [Emphasis mine: pun intended? -- Ed.] Developers have crafted a three-sided holographic ice tower to accommodate 12 different routes that extend 50 vertical feet. With pitches of 80 degrees to double overhanging craziness, the ice climbing park promises to cater to everyone, from school kids to totally hardcore mountain men [to self-absorbed mayors]. Oh yeah, the whole thing will be outside.There's more...
With the city of Ogden on its way to becoming the adventure capital of the world, a year-round ice climbing feature is an ideal addition to their party list. [Said party list includes: a glow-in-the-dark miniature golf paradise; a pizza parlor; a huge overpriced ventilation shaft; and a possible flatland gondola to nowhere.] Teaming up with the nonprofit corporation, Ogden Climbing Parks, the city, which owns the facility, will hand the tower over to OCP to manage.And then...
Ogden Climbing Parks plans to have the facility up and running within a year, but they still need additional funding. The total project is priced at $1.5 million, and the non-profit organization needs 60 percent of this figure.In the artist's conception accompanying the article, there are huge Ogden City, OCP, RAMP and GOAL logos on the Fortress of Solitude.
May I be the first to propose that we change the name of the ice climbing tower to the Fortress of Mayoral Ego? I think we're getting some valuable insight into deep-rooted psychological issues here.
According to Wikipedia,
The Fortress contained an alien zoo, a giant steel diary in which Superman wrote his memoirs (using either his invulnerable finger or heat vision to engrave entries into its pages), a chess-playing robot, specialized exercise equipment, a laboratory where Superman worked on various projects such as developing defenses to Kryptonite, a computer, communications equipment, and rooms dedicated to all of his friends, including one for Clark Kent to fool visitors. As the stories continued, it was revealed that the Fortress was where Superman's robot duplicates were stored. It also contained the Phantom Zone projector, various pieces of alien technology he had acquired on visits to other worlds, and, much like the Batcave, trophies of his past adventures. Indeed, the Batcave and Batman himself made an appearance in the first Fortress story. The Fortress also became the home of the bottle city of Kandor (until it was enlarged), and an apartment in the Fortress was set aside for Supergirl.No further comment is required. Click to enlarge the lower image:
26 comments:
Mono:
With the city of Ogden on its way to becoming the adventure capital of the world...
My god. This is getting embarrassing. Ogden has problems, but has made considerable progress downtown, particularly on Historic 25th Street over the last decade, but becoming a laughing stock is no way to improve on that progress. "On its way to becoming the adventure capital of the world....?" My god....
But it's good to have the numbers laid out plainly. The tower will cost 1.5 million to build. [Nothing about operating costs.] And they still need sixty percent of that moeny. That's about 9 hundred K. If Hizzonah asks the council to pony up 200K as he it is rumored he will do this coming week, doesn't that still leave them 700 K or so short? Wasn't this a project that was going to be built with private funds when first we heard of it?
Curm, I agree. This kind of over-hype is terribly embarrassing. If a friend came here on that premise, I'd be hard pressed to show him what they mean by that. Many cities have climbing gyms and flowriders. Many cities have access to skiing. Many cities have streetcars....ooops wrong thread. We need a streetcar, not a 50' frozen dildo.
The mass media makes me sick with all the press release journalism. Even if it's a travel or adventure blurb, or stuffing in a marathon schwag bag, the writer has a responsibility to exercise some analytical thought.
This serves as an example how these days you can toss out any kind of press release tripe and before any facts can be checked the story has traveled far and wide and been accepted for truth. Any follow ups or correctional measures require wading through all the BS everyone already accepted as fact. Like..."I heard they're building an ice tower in Ogden" or "I heard they're building a gondola there"
It is so embarrassing.
Curm, well said.
Dear Monotreme:
You should not be composing such high-adventure-critical blather without attending a crime conference. Furthermore, your post takes indirect aim at this jackass Lowe fellow, whom we tiptoe about. This Fortress of Mayoral Ego is as dumb as an onion-reeking GONDOLA, but we seem averse to criticism due to misplaced affection for a climber. It's a freaking joke. Will the City Council capitulate and dump another $200K into this jackassed pipe dream, or will we perhaps pay our firefighters and police officers a living wage? Nope, it's high-adventure goofiness uber alles.
THE SKI IS BEAUTIFUL BLUE
And he is a jackass; he advocates squandering more than $500K of public funds to build a silly thing that no one will ever use. So what if he's world famous? I am a globally renown pantspee-er. Ask Wayne Peterson's Famed Squirrel Patrol Captain Bob "Hairpiece" Geiger and his sober surrogates in Davis County. I am known in many continents as a premier soiler of garments, and I live here in GONDOLA TOWN, USA. Do I seek enormous monies from the public treasury to build a cooled-and-heated, year-round, stories-high maple closet filled with pants that I and many high-adventure visitors can befoul? Hagar, Dockers, Levis, even vintage 1992 Gerbauds, the works. Just pull a pair off the recreation mecca rack, slip them on and let fly. Why? Because I and some clothing industry aholes believe that our salvation as a community lies with high-adventure bowl movements. Jackass.
THE SKI IS BEAUTIFUL BLUE
I want to like Ogden
"I want to like downtown Ogden, UT. I really do. But I don’t. Not yet.
I’m starting to think there is hope for Ogden though. Mayor Godfrey and AmerSports are leading the way to make Ogden City an outdoor adventure town. Earlier this year Ogden unveiled The Junction at the city’s center. Inside The Junction is the Salomon Center which boasts a rock climbing center, the iFly indoor skydiving tunnel and the Flowrider an indoor wave for surfing. As impressive as it sounds on paper. It’s just a start.
I visited the center with very high expectations. I left a bit disappointed. It’s still Ogden.
I was disappointed to see the Salomon Center is anchored by FatCats, a video arcade and bowling alley. The only adventure I had that day was watching my wallet and hovering over my kids while a creepy dude was being just a little too friendly.. It felt like the scary people were out in force. I realize that can’t judge a city by a few bums but it didn’t help. It will take a while to change my impression of downtown Ogden."
Let’s remember some things (and hope my memory serves.)
1. The city has authorized nothing for this.
2. The county authorized $200K a year ago, and re-authorized the same amount this year, but did not authorize the additional $200K requested for the ice tower.
3. The article states they need 60% of the money. This is a lie. They need more than that. They have drawings and dreams and a dumb idea, but little money. So do lots of other silly people.
4. The article is another example of a Godfrey hype job in a very obscure publication. Godfrey will try to use this meaningless publication to convince the council to appropriate money for this. All that is needed is for us to counter that.
5. Jeff Lowe or Rob Lowe or whatever his name is, is not world famous or even locally famous. He is not famous at all. I have never heard of him, of his hobby, or of any of it. He is a nobody, whose life deserves no more commemoration than anyone else’s.
6. The ice tower would be a very, very limited interest item for a very small percentage of the population. It does not qualify as public recreation at all.
7. This is just Godfrey’s latest attempt to serve the contractors from whom he receives his kickbacks.
8. The original plan was to erect Lowe’s existing hardware and spray water on it in the winter. This might be worthwhile but even that idea should be vetted by the public.
Anyone else notice that in the tower rendering the building? in the background says "Tower Tit"
Is that the yet to be announced strip club that anchors the ice tower mall? DO the babes there dance around a frozen pole of ice. That's the the Godfrey Gang wants their women, frigid with goosebumps.
This Godfrey wet dream Ice Tower is a huge joke. The City administration is borrowing money to cover projected shortfalls in this year’s budget, and projecting zero growth in the next FY Budget in revenues.
Yet the little guy wants to continue to have the taxpayers subsidize his goofy off the wall ideas while pleading poverty.
Not only is it a waste to dump tax dollars into this ice thing, they are not even considering the ongoing costs associated to operate and maintain it.
The administration does not want to commit to on going expenses for city services, yet they will trough money at an unknown project.
I would be willing to bet that as usual they have not done their homework associated with total costs, projected revenue, and ongoing operating expenses.
It's business as usual in Matt Godfrey world.
Maybe we should dhow up to the Council work session with pitchforks and torches this coming Tuesday.
Tec you are right. The damn thing does have a red triangle at the top, that could resemble a calling beacon for a strip club, kind of tittish looking.
And the sign says tower tit in the background.
fly...
you'll enjoy this song by XTC written by Colin Mounding.
If you're not familiar with the music of XTC you may have missed one of the funnest bands. They have an extensive catalog of thoughtful and highly original material.
FLY ON THE WALL
I am the fly on the wall,
My prying eyes are looking through your bottom drawer.
I just came flying through your door,
You didn't notice that your number had been called.
I see the mother who's beating the babe,
I see the money,
The pennies you save,
Stored on computers,
From birth to the grave.
The fly on the wall,
He's seeing it all.
I am the fly up on the wall,
You're in the index of the files that stand so tall.
Although your health is rather poor,
We have a place for those who cannot find a cure.
I know your income,
Your daily crust,
I know your pleasures,
Your passion,
Your lust,
I know when you're living and I know when you're dust.
The fly on the wall,
He's seeing it all.
One is born and one will die, it's all understood
The bit that's in the middle doesn't count
I am the fly on the wall,
My prying eyes are looking through your bottom drawer.
I just came flying through your door,
You didn't notice that your number had been called.
I see the mother who's beating the babe,
I see the money,
The pennies you save,
Stored on computers,
From birth to the grave.
The fly on the wall,
He's seeing it all. I am the fly
I am the fly upon the wall,
You're in the index of the files that stand so tall.
Although your health is rather poor,
We have a place for those who cannot find a cure.
I know your income,
Your daily crust,
I know your pleasures,
Your passion,
Your lust,
I know when you're living and I know when you're dust.
The fly on the wall,
He's seeing it all.
It also has a RAMP logo even though it was denied RAMP funding. At next Tuesday's CC work session the Mayor will be asking for several hundred thousand $$ for the ice tower since it didn't get RAMP funding. He'll also be asking for the $200K budgeted for transportation alternative analysis.
Public hearings for these and other items is scheduled for May 22.
Hey Ogdenlover, I was just thinking, maybe the Mayor should approach his phoney Ogden Community Foundation for funds to support the Ice Tower.
This isnt they way I see free enterprise is supposed to work. It seems the Mayor wants to fund any of his croneys that approach him with tax dollars, yet there is no committment to fund the basics services the City is providing.
Since the OCF has scammed and profited from taxpayers dollars, and it's goals are to give to the community, ha ha, it's a logical funding source for the sure to faill popscicle.
Hell they might even be able to spring for some creamscicle flavoring so it wont be such a big flop.
LOL! One of our gentle readers wrote in wondering whether Boss Godfrey has been taking too much of this medicine.
heheheh...
Rudi,
So that's what neo-cons and their democrat stand-ins are taking to give them that edge where facts are just not that important to policy. I totally understand how messy things like cost analysis or intelligence estimates can get in the way of personal initiatives like an ice tower or a grudge to remove a stupid and ineffectual dictator who actually maintained a stable Iraq...and sold us all the oil we wanted for cheap.
Ice climbing is a sport, whether folks have heard about it or not. It draws participants to good sites for climbing. Some of the leading practitioners are famous among those who participate in the sport, whether folks who don't participate in the sport have heard of them or not. I'm not quite parochial enough, yet, to assume that if I haven't heard of someone, they cannot possibly be well-known.
And I have nothing against the tower being built... provided it is not done with public money. Its success as a venue likely to bring people to Ogden City in any numbers is a speculative possibility, but no more than that. But if its backers want to try, with money they've raised on their own, I say have at it, and all the best, and I hope for their sake and Ogden's it succeeds beyond their wildest expectations.
But not with public money. The $200,000 already approved [RAMP funds, I think] is enough of a gesture of support from the ratepayers. They need to raise the rest from private sources or concede that the project is not feasible. One or the other.
Curm,
You cloud the issue. You say that just because you haven’t herd of something doesn’t mean it’s not well-known. Okay, suppose virtually nobody has heard of Rob Lowe. Would that qualify as “not well known” or at least “not famous”?
You say that ice climbing is known among its practitioners. Well no kidding. Thanks for filling us in on that one. I suppose so are tiddlywinks champions among their players. Then you say that if it were to succeed it would bring people to Ogden – another lightning bolt. So things that are known by the people who practice them, are known among such people, and were they to establish something that drew people, it would draw people. Amazing!
Here is another theorem. Rob Lowe is nothing. His ice tower is worth only its weight in metal scrap. If it were worth something more, someone would make him that offer. It will not be built anywhere without public money forcibly taken, precisely because it is plainly non popular. (That’s why you don’t see people putting up iFly all over the place – they know it’s unpopular.) The people who support Lowe’s indoor crapsickle will try to bend the taxpayers over the hood of a Buick all day, but they will never pay any significant money for it themselves, because they know it is a dumb idea and is less than worthless, just like the space between Godfrey’s ears.
Aahh. Clarity is restored.
Oops. I said Rob Lowe. It's Jeff Lowe, right? Or is it Carl, Pete, or some other Lowe. Well, what's the difference?
Danny,
Do you live in fear that GONDOLA haters will harm your children and you must move their beds away from windows? How do you feel about onions?
I kid, I kid.
THE SKI IS BEAUTIFUL BLUE
Curm, ice climbing is not a sport, it's a pastime, activity. Nowhere on the planet do folks pay admission to watch an iceclimbing compitition. Ice climbing is an activity that demands caution and very diliberate manuvers, watching it would put you right to sleep. This bogus icecicle has no potential to draw anyone to it, and serves no one in the area other than Lowe.
This stupid fantasy must come to an end. Just what is implied in this bullsh#t high adventure outdoor recreation thing anyway? Where in Ogden Utah does it exist?Where? Has anyone in this city looked up adventure in the dictionary? I can't believe some fat guy from Portland, a creepy guy who's nose resembles a potato, with mentally impaired offspring, along with a fraudulent failed bacon salesman allegedly from somewhere in the middle east that seems more like a Columbian thug, could actually hoodwink this whole community.
Don't you remember the little kid in the story of the emporer's new clothes? Where is he when we need him?
Gratuitous editorial comment:
It is so, so good to see Jason W. and Biil C. posting
And Curm, we luv ya baby, always.
And speaking of gratuitous luv, Jason are you going to do an article on Ogden’s Strip Clubs as somebody suggested a few days ago? I would cherish it - not so much for the prurience, as for the laughs.
I'm a sporting chap, climbing never appealed to me. Too slow and deliberate. It is quite challenging but it would seem that rock and climbing walls are quite sufficient to supply the rush. I really do not see what more thrill can be had by lugging more equipment up a icy wall instead of climbing in your shorts on the rock in the sun. Sure it has to be done and a few will do it. There a far better recreational investments that could be made to downtown that would enhance our recreational assets. What about a skate park. A million plus can build the world's most amazing skate park and will be used by folks of all ages. I still skate a little at 53. The new skateparks are designed for flow and can be enjoyed by skaters of all skill levels. Skate parks are a proven draw. Park City recently added to and improved their fantastic existing park.
I prefer mountain bikes and snowboards. Jeff Lowe has an amazing resume of achievements. I remember reading of him in the mountain gazette in the 70's and 80's. Still this thing reeks of obsession and ego. Both on the part of Godfrey and Lowe.
Bill:
You have a very restrictive definition of what constitutes a sport. You seem to be arguing that the only sports are spectator sports, which people pay to see. While spectator sports are certainly the most popular sports, they do not define all sport.
You want my idea of dull, it's watching golf --- ranks right up there with All Star Bowling and club curling for pulse pounding excitement. Yet all three are sports, whether significant numbers pay to see them or not.
And I hope you and the rest of those piling on noted that I agree there is a low probability that the ice tower will attract significant numbers to Ogden, and I agree that such a speculative venture should not be financed by the ratepayers. I just see no reason to couch my opinion in terms of nasty attacks on Mr. Lowe, who I have never met and who does seem to have some fame in climbing circles, or to denounce those who favor the project as a band of drooling congenital idiots.
Sometimes, Bill, the conventional wisdom turns out to be wrong. The author of the Harry Potter books shopped them to publisher after publisher, none of which were interested, until a very small publisher in London took a flyer on the project... and the rest as they say is history.
The proponents want to gamble with their own dinaro that the tower will be a success, can operate on a self-funded and self-sustaining basis, again, I say the best of Irish luck to them, and I hope they're right and the rest of us are wrong. So long as the coin they are risking does not come from the ratepayers.
Curm, that sport argument aside, accordind to this mornings paper lying little matty is hardballing the Council for more public monies towards that end. I might be slightly off, but it seems all the revenue so far has been public. The property, the actual piece of disgarded junk (skelaton of the aperatus) and ramp funds. Add to that the fact that Lowe is now an employee of Ogden City, recieving pay and all other compensation benefits. Where anything resembling the private sector?
Oh, and Curm, is knitting a sport, craft or activity? Some would make the argument that it's far more exciting an activity than ice climbing.
Or what about hop scotch or Tom Moo.., I mean Cavendishes favorite, gerbelling?
Good Old (?) Curmudgeon:
Everyone agrees that an ice tower is vital to the vision of Ogden, that being a jackassed, blighted sack o' shit littered with amusement park rides and aholes who work for "ski" brands who love, love, love, love GONDOLAs. It may be callous to launch ad hominem attacks on this jackass Jeff Lowe, but it rings true; he is no better than Wayne Peterson and his Famed Squirrel Patrol: he seeks to rob us of our funds to build something ridiculous that no one will ever use (or ride). Who on God's Green Earth will drive down to 25th on a hot August Saturday and climb a stupid-ass icecicle? Bob "Hair Regeneration" Geiger? THE SKI IS BEAUTIFUL BLUE? Tom Cavendish Moore? Blake McCarthy Fowers (and what's with the Squirrel Patrol being comprised entirely of short-man's-complexed dorks)? Much like: Who will ride THE GONDOLA from Wall Avenue to 23rd and Harrison? Who will ride it from 23rd to WSU, an institution that doesn't even desire a circus ride? How many GONDOLA freaks does it take to change a lightbulb? Who is afraid of Virginia Wolf?
THE SKI IS BEAUTIFUL BLUE
seems to me that the mt. ogden golf course that attracts some 30,000 plus rounds of golf a year would be a lot better place to put that 1.6 million dollars or what ever part of that the ice tower the city will directly or indirectly fund.
i have a hard time envisioning 30,000 plus people climbing that thing.
i agree with curm if they want to build it with private money they should go for it but not with city money. i personally dont even think they should use ramp money.
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