One Customer's Experience -- Updated

By Ozboy

Well, I suppose that I am a customer of "Emerald City." I pay them money for whatever services I receive as a property owner in the city. I also, as it seems of late, pay them an annual business license fee for the pleasure of renting said single family property to the same elderly guy that has been there police and fire trouble-free for 12 years.

The fee is a hundred and fifty eight bucks per year. However the city, in a real magnanimous gesture, will cut that down considerably if I pay their cronies at the Utah Apartment Association forty bucks or so to teach me how to be a "Good Landlord", something I have been doing very well without their wisdom for 30 years or so. Also you must give over eight hours of your precious time to these nitwits who are so presumptuous as to think they could teach anyone about successful business. Remember the jokers behind this at city hall are the same gang that can't shoot straight that have blown forty million or more of the public's money in the last six years on a long string of loser deals.

If you don't pay this extortion by January you get a 100% fine right off the bat. Now I ain't gonna BS you and say I didn't know any thing about this new good landlord crap. Hells bells, I raised Cain about it when it was first proposed. In fact that was the issue that first brought it to my attention that the city's mayor was the arrogant little tyrant that I have come to love like a viper and respect like a rat as I do.

Anyway, the very first official notice that I ever received from the city on this newly instituted license was when they sent me a notice that I had missed the filing deadline and I now owed a hundred and fifty eight bucks - times two. No original notice, no bill, no nothing cept gotcha double! So I ponied up the three hundred and sixteen bucks extortion and sent it on in.

This year I get a notification that tells me I now have to go online and prepare my own billing and then send the money in. Why they didn't just send the friggin' bill for the license I do not know. It takes them every bit as much time and effort and money to send me the information on how to go on line and prepare and print my own billing as it would to send the damn bill! I guess it wouldn't be such a pain in the keister, but I do not have a printer. Have no need for one -- probably never will.

The only other alternative the scoundrels give you is to come into city hall and they will help you get on the internet and get your own billing. That is sorta like the gas company telling you to make up your own bills, or come down to our office and we will let you use our computers to make up your own bill, then we will take your money. Bottom line is it ain't their responsibility to make up the bill for what you owe them. Think about what would happen if every business that bills you in any way had such a policy! The only way Boss Godfrey's minions can get away with it is they have a captive customer base that they prey upon.

So instead of being able to just mail in the tribute extracted by the city, landlords and all business owners that are not on the computer, the internet or hooked up to a printer, must come to city hall to generate their own paper work and fork over the dough. In my case it was a 20 mile drive. In a lot of other people's cases it could be hundreds or thousands of miles. Like Aunt Else in Elsinore, California, who has rented out her late mother's house in Ogden for the last five years. She doesn't have a computer, she doesn't want to have one. Does this mean that she has to travel to Ogden each year to pay this obscene tax? How about the hundreds of other people in similiar situations, do they not deserve any respect and consideration from Mayor Godfrey's city government?

So I get down to city hall and sure enough there were a pile of computers in a little room and a bunch of young city employees helping a very large crowd of harried landlords and business owners. Not one of them was happy to be there! Most were very annoyed with this very large inconvenience. The city employees were under a lot of stress, but they handled it very well. They were cordial to angry and frustrated people, they were very helpful to the computer illiterate. They did the city proud under a very unfortunate and stupid set of circumstances. They definitely deserve a more competent elected boss.

Being a bit unaccepting of idiocy, I naturally talked it up with the staff about the situation. I very quickly met a couple of the bosses of that department who were real nice and friendly people. When I said how stupid this whole setup was, they all agreed! They also told me that there had been a very large parade of pee'd off citizens for some time over this very issue. In addition, one boss apologized on behalf of the staff and told me that they had no choice in the matter. This new procedure was a direct order from his honor on the ninth floor. When it was pointed out to the little lord mayor how this would cause difficulties and inconvenience with business owners, he just didn't care. After all, some people have to pay for progress. Seems that the staff had spoken out on the subject and had been over-ruled on the matter. The mayor was bound and determined that local business people were going to be forced into doing business with the city online, and online only, whether they liked it or not. Part of his "vision for the future" thing perhaps.

Just one more example of how totally business friendly is our great (like the wizard,) and lovable (like a snake) mayor of the Land of Oz?

Update 7/16/06 8:43.pm. MT: It belatedly occurs to us that there is a topic left unanswered here. Would any of our gentle readers like to add their own City v. Businessperson horror stories to this thread? Like many disgruntled Emerald City inhabitants, we "have faith" that there must be many of these, considering the gutter ethics of Boss Godfrey. Not to worry. You can always post anonymously here @ Weber County Forum.