Thursday, December 24, 2009

Holiday Eating Tips

A short list of sensible Holiday Eating Tips, just to help maximize our readers' 2009 celebratory holiday experience

As we now stand poised on Christmas eve, it occurred to us that many of our readers would be attending dinners, buffets and open houses, in celebration of the holiday season. In that connection, we thought it would be helpful to post a list of sensible Holiday Eating Tips, just to help maximize our readers' 2009 celebratory holiday experience. We googled of course; and there were plenty of good "sensible" articles to choose from. But here's the one we liked the best (This one was submitted by one of our alert readers, btw):

Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

11. Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Have a safe and at least a semi-sane holiday, folks.

Feel free to chime in with your own sensible tips... or treat this as another open-topic thread.


googlegirl said...

Eggnog Recipe Collection

Holiday Food Fancier said...

Here's my advice. Wear sweatpants to your "traditional family dinner," or other holiday open houses/buffets.

As your gut expands while you're gulping down massive amounts of food like a "starving hyena," your elastic waistbelt will make it look like you're this rather skinny guy:

Takeru Kobayashi, World Champion Hot Dog Eater

Wm III said...

... there are no strangers on Christmas Eve ...

Lucky Seven said...


I looked at your counter and noticed that the Weber County Forum just sailed past Seven Hundred and Seventy Seven Thousand, Seven Hundred and Seventy Seven visitors!

Quite an accomplishment for a local issues blog - Congratulations. You do a great service for Ogden residents by providing this venue for the truth to come out as it pertains to the dirty politics practiced around here. There is no where else in Utah where one can get the "rest of the story" about Weber County and Ogden City political shenanigans.

The WCF is well on its way to a million hits!

fat and loving every once of it said...

Just a word of advise...
A moment on the lips, there is a lifetime on the hips...
And don't bother me now, I'm feeding my face....
last but not least, I'm now on two diets.... you know why?

Because one doesn't feed me enough.
so Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we diet.

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